Just Between Us
by BlankAccountPayNoAttention
Summary: After the mysterious breakup of Kurt and Blaine in 2012, questions arose. Why did they breakup? What happened? A year and a half later questions still remain unanswered. Until, a notebook labeled "Just Between Us" that has letters between Kurt and Blaine is found. They have the answers that we've been looking for. Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Just Between Us**

A/N I do not own Glee or it's characters. Warnings: mentions self-harm, parental abuse, and suicide.

* * *

I'm risking a lot to write this. Writing this means I'm lying, stealing, and betraying two of the most important people in my life. Why, you may ask, would I do this? Just to write a story? Because, this story has been unfinished for too long. Bits and pieces are known, but the full story is not. Sharing their whole story makes all of this worth it.

Love is strange. It can bring two unlikely people together in a way no one understands. This is a story of how love brought together two souls, and how they were ripped apart.

One was a boy who had lost his mother at a young age. He was left alone, feeling unwanted. To fill his void, he detached himself from everyone and began to secretly cut himself. He always dreamed of suicide. But he stayed alive for his father, the only person who cared about him.

The other had also lost a parent, but not due to death. His mother left him and his father three years after his birth. Since he could remember his father would bring home different women almost every night. The boy's father also drowned his woes in alcohol. He tried to hide from his father at night to avoid having bruises on his body the next day. Even if he admitted who caused his injuries, his father's punishing would become worse. He didn't want to find out what would come then.

Their names were Kurt and Blaine. They had briefly dated for a few weeks before the Summer of 2010, but Kurt became afraid because he was trusting Blaine too easily. His solution was to leave Blaine heartbroken.

Soon after, Blaine began dating a bad boy named Daniel, or Danny, for the summer. The fifteen year old believed he was in love. He never realized that throughout their relationship, Danny was doing drugs, drinking, and cheating with both men and women. Blaine's heart was tortured and he didn't know how to move on. He thought he found a cure when he began self-mutilation. The self harm progressed until he was in a mental hospital for a suicide attempt. Then a second hospital months later for overdosing.

Blaine didn't realize until after he got out of the second hospital that Kurt had hurt for months. He had blamed himself for Blaine's misery. It took time, but they found each other again in August, 2011.

When they first got together that fall, I found a notebook that held one entry. The title of the entry was "Just Between Us". It had a paragraph of Blaine's writing then list of why Kurt was different. When I returned the notebook to Blaine I learned, after a good five minutes of being shouted at, that this notebook was something special between Blaine and Kurt. I was told if I ever found it again, not to read it. I never saw it again, until yesterday.

It's now almost a year and a half since their break up. They were together for eight months. All of us who knew them were certain they would last for an eternity. They had always talked about their future together. None of us saw it coming. Kurt and Blaine never said why they broke up, just that they did. I found the answers in this notebook. I made a promise not to read it again, but I'm doing this for everyone who knew them. Everyone who is still looking for answers. For you.

* * *

August 2, 2011

Just between us,  
It's hard being the first one to write in this… Anyway, you can write in this however you want, I just started this in letter format. So here you go. My list of…

Reasons Why You Are Different  
1. You understand what's wrong with me and put up with my shit.  
2. Somehow you got me to open up to you and trust you more than anyone else. You_ know_ me better than anyone.  
3. You were the first person to say I was hot. Puck's party was the first time I ever heard that.  
4. You don't treat me like shit, and I hope you don't take me for granted.  
5. I don't feel the need to make sure you're not going to kill yourself every night. Not like Danny.  
6. You're so much better than people I've dated in the past.  
7. You make me feel wanted.  
8. You cheer me up when I'm depressed, you know what to say. I don't have to hide when I'm sad.  
9. You bring out what little courage I have. You got me to slowly get over my paranoia and fear.  
10. You're more intelligent than other guys I've dated. Don't even argue about that. ;)  
11. I actually see a future for us.

I will finish this endless list later but first I wanted to say something.

Just between us,  
The other day at the Westerville fair, when we were looking at the rings, I was thinking about how much I wish I could get you something like that for you.  
But I can't and probably won't ever be able to. I'm a loser. You deserve so much better than me. Why do you choose to stay with me, when there is a guy out there who doesn't have problems. Who can give you what you want. Who knows what he wants for his future. Who will be successful. Who you could love forever.  
Why choose me? I'm just a screw up who won't be able to give you what you want. Who's afraid to show people who he is. Why do you love me? Of all people. You could be so much happier with someone else. Why me?  
Love, Blaine

* * *

August 6, 2011

12:22 AM

Just between us,  
Blaine, I do not want to change you. I fell in love with who you are and you don't have to be different. You can be anyone you want to be and I'll support you all the way. I just hope it's somewhat the same for me  
I love you. I don't need a fancy ring, Sure, they're pretty but I can live without. I'll tie a rope around my finger. So you are not a loser. Okay? Sure I could probably take the time and find someone else. But I don't want to because I have _you_. I will accept no one but you. I'll be by your side for as long as you'll have me. I could fill this entire book with loving words for you, but I think I should leave you some room to flatter and write loving words to me. Hehe.

1. I kind of like it when you don't show yourself to other people because I feel special when you show yourself to me.  
2. You have issues, yes, but so do I. We can relate. You make me feel better.  
3. I love your hazel eyes.  
4. I love to hear you talk about anything and everything. I love the way your face lights up when it's something you love.  
5. You make me feel safe and warm. Especially when we're in the car, with my head on your shoulder and you're singing along to the radio.

Blaine… I still feel like you'll disappear. You could go manic and land yourself in another hospital. Or you'll move away. Die. Find someone handsomer, happier, better. Or that I'll simply wake up from this dream.  
Earlier, you asked the question, "What would you do or say if I cut again?" I didn't answer. The truth is I would resist the urge to slap you so hard your head would spin. Instead, I would say "Okay why did you cut?" and go from there. Then I'd leave your side and shed a few tears. I would feel ashamed for not being there for you. Then find you again to say that I love you so much.  
I love you.  
To me, you're the first hand I've held, hug I've received. My first kiss. First boyfriend, crush. My first everything. No one else matters. They're bumps in the road. Ditches even. Potholes?  
Why are they even called potholes? Maybe because they fill with water when it rains. Like you fill a pot. Falling asleep… So much more I could say…

- Kurt

P.S. Did I say "I love you"?

* * *

August 6, 2011

1 AM

Places We've Kissed

In an abandoned school  
The roof of said school  
In hella dark tunnels surrounded by vulgar graffiti  
Me straddling you on a bridge with an audience  
Under said bridge  
On the roof of McKinley (illegally)  
Your roof  
Floating in inner tubes in the middle of a lake  
Top of a ferries wheel with little girls staring  
On a carousel ride  
On the play structure at the park

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A/N Thank you for reading, reviews are much appreciated. So, please review? Thank you!

- Simone


	2. Chapter 2

**Just Between Us**

A/N Thank you for everyone who's has been reading this! Shout out to INeedYouBoth and dede1345 for reviewing.

* * *

August 8, 2011

10:47 PM

Just between us,

You: "If I had a sip of alcohol, would you break up with me?"

Me: "No…."

You: "I'm curious."

Me: "Go ahead."

You: "It's just a sip."

Me: "You don't have to ask for my permission."

You: "Okay."

* * *

You don't know… You don't know how scared I get when someone I love drinks. All I can think is, "Oh god. They'll end up like Dad." I don't want you to be like him. I'm afraid you'll turn into him. Please don't be like him. I'm scared.

Then you told me you didn't take a drink. I can't explain the relief I felt. I was just so happy. And then I was ashamed. How could I think you could turn into that man? I'm such an idiot… I'm sorry.

I miss you. It's hard. I'm my happiest with you in person. Also, I like being nearby so I can help you when you're depressed.

Do you think… all these dreams we've come up with, will come true? Will we marry someday and have children? Will I be a writer and you be a fashion designer? Will we live by the ocean in the East coast? Owning a two story house with your special tower? I will do everything I can to make you happy. I promise to never hurt you. You mean too much to me.

I hate family trips. Even though this isn't really a family trip. It's just my dad and his current whore going skiing while I am being forced to go. The woman this time is almost twenty years younger than him. My dad doesn't trust me to be home alone. He doesn't want me "fucking my faggot boyfriend all week". So far, going without you for a week has been terrible. It's made me realize that I don't want to go anywhere without you. I miss you so much. I couldn't handle it if you moved away.

Going back to our dreams…. Kurt, I will do everything to make the future we've talked about happen. I'll go to college, get a job, and support you in every way. I want no one but you. You are my better half, my significant other. You're everything to me.

Love, Blaine

* * *

Aug. 16th, 2011

1:53 PM

Just between us,

I missed you. I'm so glad you're back. Blaine, I'm never going to be like your dad. I have no desire to start doing drugs or drinking. I've seen what substances can do to people. My uncle died when I was twelve because of a liver failure caused by substances. I'll stay sober. I was just curious, okay?

I'm sorry you had to go through a tough childhood. I wish that you had a great dad like mine. I can't imagine how that was. Just remember, I'm always here for you.

I want a future with you. I want to fulfill our dreams. But sometimes I get scared for no reason and I don't know what to do next. What is my next step? Do I really want this? What if this is the wrong path? Will I regret this? What if I choose and fail? I get anxious and more anxious and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm supposed to know these things. I'm not allowed to screw up. And when I do, I let everyone down. When I'm not perfect for you, I feel like I've let you down. I hate that feeling.

I'm never good enough. Someone's always better. Like in Glee, I'm never the star, just the backup. If I quit, would it make any difference? Someone always has a better story to tell. Has more imagination. More courage. More beauty. They're always better than me, like Rachel and Finn. I'm average, easily looked over. I never shine. For once, I want to be the star in the performance. But it's always the Rachel and Finn show.

I love you... but I don't see what makes me special enough for you to love me. Is it pity?

-Kurt

* * *

August 17, 2011

1:19 AM

Just between us,

I've ripped out a couple pieces out of entries I started. It's so hard sometimes, trying to find the right words to say. To get your thoughts out.

Kurt, it's NOT pity. I know I told you about the pity dates. Now I look back on those with regret. But I regret letting you go the most. We could've still been together. We could've skipped all of our mistakes. I could've skipped Danny and the hospitals.

You should know that our relationship isn't pity, considering I told you I liked you when you still loved Adam. I expected the rejection you gave me because I was with Danny. I deserved it.

You: "You have Danny, so you have no say in my quest for love"

It couldn't be pity if I liked you when I knew I couldn't have you. If anything, you pitied me. So don't think for a second that this is pity. I love you.

Kurt, you said you'd get bored if our relationship was slow. But I don't think we can go faster, you'll get bored soon.

About earlier on the phone when I wasn't listening to your story, I'm sorry. I could go on about me being so happy to hear your voice that I was all ADHD and excited. But that would be an excuse. All I have to say is sorry.

* * *

Here's a thought I don't want you to think too much about.

Me being mad:

I'm not allowed to be mad at you because you get sad. I don't want you to be upset. So I try my best to keep it in. The first time I got really mad at you was the fair. It was over something so stupid. You ended up crying, I felt like a horrible boyfriend. I'm sorry. I'll try my best to never make you cry again.

You being mad:

Feel free to let me know when you're mad. It would help me out so much.

That's all for now.

Love, Blaine

* * *

August 18, 2011

7:23 AM

Just between us,

Maybe a little romance is needed  
Lightening our days in all this grey  
To place a smile on our faces

You can't have too much romance  
In a life that's filled with sadness  
Making us laugh with pleasure

Give me romance to dazzle me  
To make my heart sing out loud  
And make me feel I'm alive

Bring on the romance to me  
It's welcome in a soul of tears  
Appreciated from this coldness

Give me romantic words and deeds  
So pleasing to my eyes and ears  
Make me happy for a little while

Give me romance every time  
To make me blush and smile  
Instead of all these teasing words

-Fiona Davidson

Love, Blaine

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A/N Thank you for reading, I would love it if you reviewed and told me what you think! Love you guys!


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